Love of my life
My soul mate
You're my beat friend
Apart of me, like breathing
Now half of me is left
Don't know anything at all
Who am I to say you love me
Don't know anything at all
Who am I to say you need me
Color me blue, Im lost in you
Don't know why Im still waiting
Many moons have come and gone
Don't know why Im still searching
Don't know anything at all
Who am I to say you love me
Don't know anything at all
Who am I to say you need me
Now you're a song I love to sing
Never thought it'd feel so free
Now I know whats meant to be
And thats okay with me
But who am I to say you love me
*Hope*
Friday, June 17, 2011
Unspoken Words
As I take my pen in my right hand and use my left hand to hold this paper to write, my mind races. It races as fast as my heart begins to flutter at the sight of you. My mind is infested with thoughts and they linger throughout every second, miunte and hour of each day. These are not the twisted visualizations of us sexing each other, which can be pleasurable at times, however, there has to be something deeper. So deep that the souls which live within us dance to the beat of our hearts. Im thinking of you and I, us, we K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes that insane, intense love. Then the blessing of marriage. Next a couple of seeds resembling you and I meshed, resting in a baby carriage. I pray for something stable and consistent. My life does not cater to the short lived relationship of boyfriend/girlfriend because although a friendship is developing within that development, the words "boy" and "girl" are no longer apart of me nor what I want. All grown up now and packing away those childish characteristics. I search for character. No interest in stupidity, like that of a male with a hard-on where all the blood from his brain and feet runs to his other head causing him to not be able to think nor run from the situation he is placing himself in (Love Jones). I desire, ponder and often wonder who, what, where and when, but not why since I do know it's a true miracle of God. A miracle to be loved, admired, sought out by someone made expecially for me. And even though my past has influenced the broken fragments of my spirit today, a blessing still stands. Within me lies a minute vessel of hope that your love for me will be manifested in all purity.
Dear Brother
When I look at your face I see a hopeless little boy.
I watch how you scope the world and then dream of yourself.
Under your skin lies so much fear and confusion.
You constantly question the plan God has for you.
At times you reach out to me thinking I hold all the answers,
when I truly don't know a thing.
It seems you often look up to me and I think I must protect you with my wings.
If only you could crack the wall that surrounds you
and envision all my eyes can see.
If only you could stand with confidence and
realize God has planted a gift in your hands.
Then maybe, just maybe, you will realize you are just as special as me.
Truly blessed we are, we were delivered in threes.
You often take your third and compare it to ours,
not comprehending we are filled with the same amount.
Never pleased you are, every prize seems too far.
Life is a journey and you hate the roads.
However we all take our own paths.
I just hope one day you notice life isn't easy for anyone, so you go ahead and do the math.
Everyone has their own trials and tribulations yet for some it seems to much to bear.
Just when you think its not fair, remember, God just wants to see how much you care.
I watch how you scope the world and then dream of yourself.
Under your skin lies so much fear and confusion.
You constantly question the plan God has for you.
At times you reach out to me thinking I hold all the answers,
when I truly don't know a thing.
It seems you often look up to me and I think I must protect you with my wings.
If only you could crack the wall that surrounds you
and envision all my eyes can see.
If only you could stand with confidence and
realize God has planted a gift in your hands.
Then maybe, just maybe, you will realize you are just as special as me.
Truly blessed we are, we were delivered in threes.
You often take your third and compare it to ours,
not comprehending we are filled with the same amount.
Never pleased you are, every prize seems too far.
Life is a journey and you hate the roads.
However we all take our own paths.
I just hope one day you notice life isn't easy for anyone, so you go ahead and do the math.
Everyone has their own trials and tribulations yet for some it seems to much to bear.
Just when you think its not fair, remember, God just wants to see how much you care.
Let It Go
LET IT GO by T. D. Jakes
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell
you this. When people can walk away from you, let them walk. I don't
want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving
you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying
attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away
from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody who left. The bible
said, "they went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had
been of us, they would have continued with us: but they went out that
they might be made manifest, that none of them were of us. " [1 John
2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if
they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.
It doesn't mean they are a bad person. It just means their part in
the story is over. You've got to know when people's part in your story
is over so you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know
when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over.
Let me tell you something, I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the
tenth spiritual gift. I believe in good-bye. I'm not hateful, I'm
faithful and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to
me. If it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people
to stay...LET THEM GO!!!
If you are holding on to something which doesn't belong to you and was
never intended for your life, then you need to...LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your
worth...LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you...LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...LET IT
GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...LET IT
GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
talents...LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new
level in Him...LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship...LET
IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help
themselves...LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed ...LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying, "Take your hands off of it," then you need
to...LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new
thing for 2003 as we approach 2004!! LET IT GO!!
Get Right or Get Left...think about it, and then LET IT GO!!!
If God brings you to it,
He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
"Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.' "
Whenever you think God has stopped listening or caring for you, didn't
follow through on His promises or didn't answer your prayer(s), you
most likely:
1) misinterpreted the promise,
2) missed the answer, or
3) gave up before God responded.
God ALWAYS does what He said He would.!!!!!!!
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell
you this. When people can walk away from you, let them walk. I don't
want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving
you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying
attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away
from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody who left. The bible
said, "they went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had
been of us, they would have continued with us: but they went out that
they might be made manifest, that none of them were of us. " [1 John
2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if
they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.
It doesn't mean they are a bad person. It just means their part in
the story is over. You've got to know when people's part in your story
is over so you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know
when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over.
Let me tell you something, I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the
tenth spiritual gift. I believe in good-bye. I'm not hateful, I'm
faithful and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to
me. If it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people
to stay...LET THEM GO!!!
If you are holding on to something which doesn't belong to you and was
never intended for your life, then you need to...LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your
worth...LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you...LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...LET IT
GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...LET IT
GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
talents...LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new
level in Him...LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship...LET
IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help
themselves...LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed ...LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying, "Take your hands off of it," then you need
to...LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new
thing for 2003 as we approach 2004!! LET IT GO!!
Get Right or Get Left...think about it, and then LET IT GO!!!
If God brings you to it,
He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
"Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.' "
Whenever you think God has stopped listening or caring for you, didn't
follow through on His promises or didn't answer your prayer(s), you
most likely:
1) misinterpreted the promise,
2) missed the answer, or
3) gave up before God responded.
God ALWAYS does what He said He would.!!!!!!!
Radical
Yo where's the man I've been longing to see?
I mean in reality and no longer in dreams.
My heart craves a radical, an advocate for me.
Scoop me up like superman from destruction and harm.
No need for the interpersonal charisma, flirtation and charm.
Build yourself North based on your strengths
So I can rest upon your arms.
Equally yoked we must be in order to become.
One plus one isn't two, it's one, understand that sum?
Do you feel where I'm coming from?
The garbage you throw in my ear is no longer necessary.
I've cleaned up the streets and decided that's shit you can bury.
Come sincere, consistent and more real than the powers that be.
You have only your words but let you actions be what I believe.
Teach, inform, educate and challenge me.
Move me to say dumb it down a bit Babe, you see
The maze is getting old and a woman like me is growing cold.
Standing on a podium for the world to see yet I can't be sold.
Respecting myself as a queen now and Im worth more than gold.
So treat me as such and know one thing
My heart will always love you much...however today I love me more =0)
I mean in reality and no longer in dreams.
My heart craves a radical, an advocate for me.
Scoop me up like superman from destruction and harm.
No need for the interpersonal charisma, flirtation and charm.
Build yourself North based on your strengths
So I can rest upon your arms.
Equally yoked we must be in order to become.
One plus one isn't two, it's one, understand that sum?
Do you feel where I'm coming from?
The garbage you throw in my ear is no longer necessary.
I've cleaned up the streets and decided that's shit you can bury.
Come sincere, consistent and more real than the powers that be.
You have only your words but let you actions be what I believe.
Teach, inform, educate and challenge me.
Move me to say dumb it down a bit Babe, you see
The maze is getting old and a woman like me is growing cold.
Standing on a podium for the world to see yet I can't be sold.
Respecting myself as a queen now and Im worth more than gold.
So treat me as such and know one thing
My heart will always love you much...however today I love me more =0)
Confusion
Im stuck between worlds, lost and confused.
Torn between loving myself more or loving these Blues.
Great optimism marinated deep in his bones.
Soft sounds of pessimism spoken through my tone.
Constantly searching for a way out of this maze.
Longing for an everlasting craze I crave.
I use to fall back on liquor, gospel and crying.
Now a days my numbness leave me eager for writing.
So many thoughts and feelings at once.
I'm surprised I haven't found a way to pass the blunt.
Pondering over my bewilderness and brief stresses.
Questioning the Lord what is the reason for these test here?
I hold sharp and clear conversations with Him while I rest in gloom.
I don't know if I'm good sitting lonely or hoping for you to come into the room.
I need to be saved from these thirsty lakes wanting to drown me in my tears.
I've been there, done that, I've been doing that for years.
I'm stuck between worlds, lost and confused.
Torn between loving myself more or loving these Blues.
Great optimism marinated deep in his bones.
Soft sounds of pessimism spoken through my tone.
Constantly searching for a way out of this maze.
Longing for an everlasting craze I crave.
I use to fall back on liquor, gospel and crying.
Now a days my numbness leave me eager for writing.
So many thoughts and feelings at once.
I'm surprised I haven't found a way to pass the blunt.
Pondering over my bewilderness and brief stresses.
Questioning the Lord what is the reason for these test here?
I hold sharp and clear conversations with Him while I rest in gloom.
I don't know if I'm good sitting lonely or hoping for you to come into the room.
I need to be saved from these thirsty lakes wanting to drown me in my tears.
I've been there, done that, I've been doing that for years.
I'm stuck between worlds, lost and confused.
Dear New Love
Dear New Love,
I am so thankful for having you in my life. After all my heartache and pain the Lord blessed me with, I know it was all worth it. While I am anxious to have a husband that will love me like I have always wanted, my past still haunts me. It walks over me like a dark cloud. It tip toes in a silent room where only my ears can hear. It sits in the pit of my heart, lingering and pondering. It whispers loudly. My past has grasped my ankles and held me down so long that I am expected to have a broken heart always. My love is numb and unwilling to be expressed at times and it hurts me. As I look in your eyes I want to see the innocents but I know the guilt I place on you from my immature decisions such as choosing love, rather than letting love choose me. I wish a prayer would bring a miracle my way because I am scared to love you.
I am so thankful for having you in my life. After all my heartache and pain the Lord blessed me with, I know it was all worth it. While I am anxious to have a husband that will love me like I have always wanted, my past still haunts me. It walks over me like a dark cloud. It tip toes in a silent room where only my ears can hear. It sits in the pit of my heart, lingering and pondering. It whispers loudly. My past has grasped my ankles and held me down so long that I am expected to have a broken heart always. My love is numb and unwilling to be expressed at times and it hurts me. As I look in your eyes I want to see the innocents but I know the guilt I place on you from my immature decisions such as choosing love, rather than letting love choose me. I wish a prayer would bring a miracle my way because I am scared to love you.
My Numb Heart
As we stand together, side by side, I self reflect on why I am standing. I have been broken from my early years of lovin' and my heart hasn't been place together. Still dismantled. Still vexed inside, to the core, I fathom being tranquil yet I just can't reach it yet. My heart wants to be altered but I have a feeling only God can change it, rearrange it, and let it be.
I believe in love. It conquers all things. For some reason, I am untouchable and unable to heal from my journey of heartache. Even after you show me so much love, respect, and comfort, have me thinking you're the one for me this time around, Im still curious. So I am anxious to a certain degree to see what the present won't let me. I worry, I wonder and ponder. Unwilling to trust all of you since I have a fear and I am not scared to admit it. I can't love the way I want to. I'm numb in this relationship.
I believe in love. It conquers all things. For some reason, I am untouchable and unable to heal from my journey of heartache. Even after you show me so much love, respect, and comfort, have me thinking you're the one for me this time around, Im still curious. So I am anxious to a certain degree to see what the present won't let me. I worry, I wonder and ponder. Unwilling to trust all of you since I have a fear and I am not scared to admit it. I can't love the way I want to. I'm numb in this relationship.
The Memory
Days have gone by quickly
The sun has risen and the sun suddenly falls
Similar to the tears I cry inside while I ask why
A seed still plants itself deep in my heart that I know will grow
For even while we plan, the Lord's plan will prevail
Eager yet quietly waiting to be your bride
I sit on a rock holding the Bible in one hand and my heart in the other
Looking at my reflection in the water
The sun has risen and the sun suddenly falls
Similar to the tears I cry inside while I ask why
A seed still plants itself deep in my heart that I know will grow
For even while we plan, the Lord's plan will prevail
Eager yet quietly waiting to be your bride
I sit on a rock holding the Bible in one hand and my heart in the other
Looking at my reflection in the water
This Moment
As I attempt to remain focused my mind softly drifts to thoughts of both of us longing for a kiss.
Cased in a world of coldness your touch brings me warmth and tonight that moment is missed.
Im stuffed with busy work that slowly passes my time and my days become revolving doors.
Cycling patterns of boredom even while moving don't take you out of my mind.
Inside I sigh while pondering who, what, where and why.
Struggling to practice patience I sit anxious often dreaming of love and all of the above.
To have my neck nibbled as my fingers dribbled or
To have my tongue tasted as my waist was embraced or
To kiss you here and there and be kissed everywhere and
To spread my wings and fly while rest urges to cry.
Our sexual peak should rise to limits of the sky.
I can't function like normal because my blood rushes as if on fire for the desire to be taken higher.
Back to our kiss I so desperately miss.
The flavor is as sweet as melons and berries.
It keeps me high for hours and my spirit it carries.
Dismantled am I from this dream which lies
and I am totally unable to flow consistently.
Cased in a world of coldness your touch brings me warmth and tonight that moment is missed.
Im stuffed with busy work that slowly passes my time and my days become revolving doors.
Cycling patterns of boredom even while moving don't take you out of my mind.
Inside I sigh while pondering who, what, where and why.
Struggling to practice patience I sit anxious often dreaming of love and all of the above.
To have my neck nibbled as my fingers dribbled or
To have my tongue tasted as my waist was embraced or
To kiss you here and there and be kissed everywhere and
To spread my wings and fly while rest urges to cry.
Our sexual peak should rise to limits of the sky.
I can't function like normal because my blood rushes as if on fire for the desire to be taken higher.
Back to our kiss I so desperately miss.
The flavor is as sweet as melons and berries.
It keeps me high for hours and my spirit it carries.
Dismantled am I from this dream which lies
and I am totally unable to flow consistently.
Arrested Development
Look through that window and tell me what one observes. A bright young lady dipped in cocoa shaped with curves. Her youth was consumed with nutrients that made her foundation stable. However external seeds being planted was what was unable, to be seen, was an eager seductive flower that sprouted and was determined to have a marriage. The old school commitment was all too familiar yet a dream so anxiously craved. Her virginity was precious, yet, the intake of pseudo love, settling, caused it to not be saved. Let down by words, “I’ve found another interest”, and she settled as a hobby returned to sporadically. Word of mouth the reputation flew south and she sheltered herself in music, poetry and more skins to feel love. Rejection started it and apparently allured others to taste the honey that dripped from her thick thighs. Each catastrophe took a piece of who she was and could become. Even ideas circulated her mind of red rum because the intrapersonal heartache was too painful and left her dismantled. Striving for wisdom and wanting to be the queen of a kingdom, the flesh was too potent though, only more condoms and highs and lows. She was extremely giving and willing. To become all a man could desire, in her heart she hoped to inspire the dogs that chased her. Catty, she became, embarrassed and hurt for the dragon she slain and didn’t see any reciprocity. Crying out to the Lord why me? And still repenting until this day, she can’t understand why the Lord wouldn’t set her straight and on the right track. Possibly because she was tickled when her ass was smacked while being hit from the back by a dude who claimed to the Mac but all he was, was a weak man with a large sack. So the Lord looks at her and sees her onerous ways. Whispering in her soul the days to come where she pays, so she prays. Hoping to be accepted in God’s arms from the storm that lingers over, she attempts the great but within a mortal sits food and liquor. Angels walk into her life which provides insight that gives off a flicker. Yet ever now and then she ponders over the dudes that wanted to trick her. Her soul is so meshed and it is hungry for correction however impatience leads to searching for affection. Through all the dry weeds, two elements she adores is her ability to keep standing and staying grounded to the floor. Each day she tries to wash her hands of the dirt that touched her air (inhaled the chemicals and unable to fully breathe). Reflecting on this thing called life which appears so unfair. God is the key, the Bible is the tool, and the word is a seed that germinates rules. So if only God can hear my cry and consider my heart I can begin living a life worth living with a beautiful start.
California Love
It is as if the sun shines every day
My skin bakes from its warmth
And I rise each morning with a smile
This taste and smell hasn't been around in a while
I've missed it so much
It is as if I am alive again
Or as if my soul has been cleansed
I was asleep so long and while under I was fixed,
What was broken is no longer dismantled
It is as if my prayers have been answered
Or an angel walks beside me
Imagine your hands resting in the hands of the almighty
I finally feel comfort
Its the rush of the waves against your feet
Its a delicious meal, its a soulful feel
Its a mountainous scene and hills of green
I want this moment to last always and forever
And it will because I will always and forever
Envision this moment in my mind.
My skin bakes from its warmth
And I rise each morning with a smile
This taste and smell hasn't been around in a while
I've missed it so much
It is as if I am alive again
Or as if my soul has been cleansed
I was asleep so long and while under I was fixed,
What was broken is no longer dismantled
It is as if my prayers have been answered
Or an angel walks beside me
Imagine your hands resting in the hands of the almighty
I finally feel comfort
Its the rush of the waves against your feet
Its a delicious meal, its a soulful feel
Its a mountainous scene and hills of green
I want this moment to last always and forever
And it will because I will always and forever
Envision this moment in my mind.
Insane
Every morning, from now on, I hope begins with a drop of you in my ear, filling me up to the rim with laughter.
Whisper sweet words as you always do, tickling me with your voice.
All I can do is smile and linger because I am amazed at what my body feels when you stimulate my senses.
You give me insight and the ability to dream again.
Doses of you keep me high throughout the day and I've never tasted your lips nor smelt your carmel skin yet I'm sure you're sweet.
You may call me crazy when I admire you the way I do yet just accept the gift I tend to see.
Your name lives in my mouth and rest in my brain.
Insanity is what I call it.
Same actions expecting different results is what they call insane.
So quickly my heart flutters at the sight of your picture.
"So sexy" I think while looking at you.
Sporadically, I train my mind to relax so I'm not intoxicated from my hopes for love yet I'm still wishing you'd come through.
Someone wake me up so I can breathe again and put away these childish things: needing this man, fearing not having him, yearning for his touch, craving his taste, reacting to madness and wishing I was with him and him with me when I should know the Lord will move when He's ready. But instead I place my focus on my surroundings with your presence in my mind, waiting to hear your voice again.
By Nia Jehan
-This poem was written based on my experiences. My inability to remain normal or sane when admiration steps into my life; reacting so quickly rather than taken my time with "love". The idea of love can stir up emotions and behaviors that make us appear insane. This poem was definitely inspired by someone =)
Whisper sweet words as you always do, tickling me with your voice.
All I can do is smile and linger because I am amazed at what my body feels when you stimulate my senses.
You give me insight and the ability to dream again.
Doses of you keep me high throughout the day and I've never tasted your lips nor smelt your carmel skin yet I'm sure you're sweet.
You may call me crazy when I admire you the way I do yet just accept the gift I tend to see.
Your name lives in my mouth and rest in my brain.
Insanity is what I call it.
Same actions expecting different results is what they call insane.
So quickly my heart flutters at the sight of your picture.
"So sexy" I think while looking at you.
Sporadically, I train my mind to relax so I'm not intoxicated from my hopes for love yet I'm still wishing you'd come through.
Someone wake me up so I can breathe again and put away these childish things: needing this man, fearing not having him, yearning for his touch, craving his taste, reacting to madness and wishing I was with him and him with me when I should know the Lord will move when He's ready. But instead I place my focus on my surroundings with your presence in my mind, waiting to hear your voice again.
By Nia Jehan
-This poem was written based on my experiences. My inability to remain normal or sane when admiration steps into my life; reacting so quickly rather than taken my time with "love". The idea of love can stir up emotions and behaviors that make us appear insane. This poem was definitely inspired by someone =)
Something Missing
Yesterday, you asked if I could imagine you and I, us, together
And I quickly replied yes.
Today, I see you and I, us, already together
Because without you I'm a mess.
It's unquestionable.
You feed me in so many ways and I am no where near full.
Your voice, like blackberries, always taste sweet.
Your cockiness tickles me yet it's tender like meat.
Your personality reminds me of strawberries, the flavor is always consistent. Bewildered by this break between and what it really all means.
However, my body is affected by my spirits lack of energy
And your love is what it needs.
By Nia Jehan
And I quickly replied yes.
Today, I see you and I, us, already together
Because without you I'm a mess.
It's unquestionable.
You feed me in so many ways and I am no where near full.
Your voice, like blackberries, always taste sweet.
Your cockiness tickles me yet it's tender like meat.
Your personality reminds me of strawberries, the flavor is always consistent. Bewildered by this break between and what it really all means.
However, my body is affected by my spirits lack of energy
And your love is what it needs.
By Nia Jehan
Reality
When my soul's finished fantasizing my eyes awaken
Back into reality my soft spirit is taken
I can't stand it either
The stress of life stomping on my brain brings fevers
You see, on my pretty brown face I've placed a smile
But underneath that grin hurts been living a while
At this time Im about sick of rhymin'
It's about time for the realness to chime in
Dr Daddy I have and a mother that's a queen
A brother surfin' the waves and a brother that's a fiend
Little miss sunshine I am and a kid at heart
I did the education thing, people see I am smart
I'm the golden child, I'm the family representa'
All this caring I'm doing when someone goin' to represent her?
Yo my breast are swollen so bitches see I'm brave
Only the Lord knows the meak and only he can save
Im the motivator when things are down
Laughter I bring because my eyes hate frowns, ironically, Im down
Im low and no one knows
A few dollars here, a drop off there, a hug for you, it's love I throw
I have to be the foundation, the roots to this tree
If not her, if not him, but who but me?
I see, I recognize the potential you possess
Im the one ready to prosper up out of this mess
Every struggle, battle, war, conflict or situation is a test
After the drip dop of blood sweat and tears there's definitely rest
So many roles to be played, so many decisions I've made and my heart still flourishes
This is on a grand scale greater then and with all my heart I hope my effort nourishes
Him, her, he, she nothing done for me alone, all praises go to HE,
the one who sits on the thrown
Sadly all good things come to an end
So while they're negative times
The positive ones make life a ten
And while my duty is heavy and I have a purpose to seek
Everything I dream about it truly in reach
Every night I rest my eyes and with God I make an amends
Blessed I wake up to start my fight all over again.
Back into reality my soft spirit is taken
I can't stand it either
The stress of life stomping on my brain brings fevers
You see, on my pretty brown face I've placed a smile
But underneath that grin hurts been living a while
At this time Im about sick of rhymin'
It's about time for the realness to chime in
Dr Daddy I have and a mother that's a queen
A brother surfin' the waves and a brother that's a fiend
Little miss sunshine I am and a kid at heart
I did the education thing, people see I am smart
I'm the golden child, I'm the family representa'
All this caring I'm doing when someone goin' to represent her?
Yo my breast are swollen so bitches see I'm brave
Only the Lord knows the meak and only he can save
Im the motivator when things are down
Laughter I bring because my eyes hate frowns, ironically, Im down
Im low and no one knows
A few dollars here, a drop off there, a hug for you, it's love I throw
I have to be the foundation, the roots to this tree
If not her, if not him, but who but me?
I see, I recognize the potential you possess
Im the one ready to prosper up out of this mess
Every struggle, battle, war, conflict or situation is a test
After the drip dop of blood sweat and tears there's definitely rest
So many roles to be played, so many decisions I've made and my heart still flourishes
This is on a grand scale greater then and with all my heart I hope my effort nourishes
Him, her, he, she nothing done for me alone, all praises go to HE,
the one who sits on the thrown
Sadly all good things come to an end
So while they're negative times
The positive ones make life a ten
And while my duty is heavy and I have a purpose to seek
Everything I dream about it truly in reach
Every night I rest my eyes and with God I make an amends
Blessed I wake up to start my fight all over again.
All She Gave for Nothing in Returm
Yo I think I love him, better yet I know.
I'm going to join the circus and put on a show.
I'm going to paint my face, wear a mask and shine my glow.
When my friends ask for me everyone will say I don't know.
I said, I think I love him, better yet I know.
I'm going to call him in the morning, noon and night.
Going to show him those broads ain't tight and I'm what's right.
I'm going to let go of the lames I once loved too.
Because none of them lames do me like he do.
I'm going to let everyone know I'm now feeling live.
My mans be with me at four yet he's gone by five.
I think I love him, better yet I know.
I have to prove my love, show how I'm committed.
Shit I'm his lil "bust it baby", my mans can get get get it.
Im a down ass chick and I'm definitely with it.
While my mans away I'm preparing to him up like a king.
He can see I love him and wants to treat me like his queen.
When my man calls me I answer at the drop of a dime.
He knows I'm a dime and for him my ass has nothing but time.
My friends yell they don't even know me anymore
Im tell them I'm this and that plus a little bit more.
I got a man on my arm who just throws me sweet charm.
I'm not even hearing my friend's words similar to an alarm.
I told them I think I love him and he don't love me though.
I'm going to join the circus and put on a show.
I'm going to paint my face, wear a mask and shine my glow.
When my friends ask for me everyone will say I don't know.
I said, I think I love him, better yet I know.
I'm going to call him in the morning, noon and night.
Going to show him those broads ain't tight and I'm what's right.
I'm going to let go of the lames I once loved too.
Because none of them lames do me like he do.
I'm going to let everyone know I'm now feeling live.
My mans be with me at four yet he's gone by five.
I think I love him, better yet I know.
I have to prove my love, show how I'm committed.
Shit I'm his lil "bust it baby", my mans can get get get it.
Im a down ass chick and I'm definitely with it.
While my mans away I'm preparing to him up like a king.
He can see I love him and wants to treat me like his queen.
When my man calls me I answer at the drop of a dime.
He knows I'm a dime and for him my ass has nothing but time.
My friends yell they don't even know me anymore
Im tell them I'm this and that plus a little bit more.
I got a man on my arm who just throws me sweet charm.
I'm not even hearing my friend's words similar to an alarm.
I told them I think I love him and he don't love me though.
The Allure
As I rest my soles in soil
I open my arms and look towards the sky for you.
You so generously bless me with your presence, warmth, and everlasting love.
However, in the pit of my heart I grasp the fact that being of this world is unacceptable.
It is remarkable how I comprehend it yet cannot recommend it or a hypocrite I will be.
Lord, save me!
There’s no need to deny it or fight it.
I’m tempted by a beautiful man who I long to love.
I short cut my destiny rather than look above.
So at this moment where I long for a favor and your assistance,
I’m hesitant because along with this favor comes twice the resistance.
Please forgive me for all the sins I’ve done today and in my past.
I pray your angels cover me and him, guiding our spirits to a new level and it last.
I open my arms and look towards the sky for you.
You so generously bless me with your presence, warmth, and everlasting love.
However, in the pit of my heart I grasp the fact that being of this world is unacceptable.
It is remarkable how I comprehend it yet cannot recommend it or a hypocrite I will be.
Lord, save me!
There’s no need to deny it or fight it.
I’m tempted by a beautiful man who I long to love.
I short cut my destiny rather than look above.
So at this moment where I long for a favor and your assistance,
I’m hesitant because along with this favor comes twice the resistance.
Please forgive me for all the sins I’ve done today and in my past.
I pray your angels cover me and him, guiding our spirits to a new level and it last.
Willing & Able
My mind is infested with sweet thoughts that circle like a Lexus, if driven right I’m sure to love you.
Never will you find another woman who will cater to you like I do, it’s so true.
I make it my business. Don’t believe me? Ask any person who took time to witness.
My back bends into the deepest arch to go uphill as my tired feet march.
Just to please you, my man, I submit to give you the upper hand,
As long as your chest isn’t boasting with pride as you stride and humbly before God you stand.
The talking from the sideline I look pass and pay them no mind, he’s mine.
I’m his, his whiz, his Mrs. And his mistress.
I love how he steps up if bitches care to diss this.
I make it my career to be as thorough as I can be.
Go ahead and get a microscope because those broads can’t see me.
Don’t be ashamed. You have a confident dame and I don’t have to say shit.
Just watch me as I walk away and be amazed at how I twist.
I’m baking bread daily. My cash flow is consistent.
What I can bring to the table equals a guaranteed commitment.
And I don’t have time to fight or argue.
I’d rather cook my man a meal, feed him and let him get the back view.
The immature lames, I’m sick and tired of, I’m through.
Yes, I’m willing to be your woman. I’m definitely willing and able.
Let’s just play a game of spades and lay all our cards on the table.
I want to make all your fantasies come true like they do in the fables.
I got that good-good. Some men wish they could-could but that’s something I would-would
Never do, I must be completely honest with you and I’m honored to…
Give you my all, I do, because I believe in the love we share which runs deeper than the earth’s seas.
It is quite amazing how we stepped into each other lives and for that I drop to my knees.
Love is not a breeze. Your presence lifts me up and without you I’m not at ease.
So, when reality steps in and I can’t have you in my pocket.
I ask myself “can I live”, think of you and my pain is off like a rocket.
As the days go long and on it’s so hard to knock it and I can’t stop it.
Simply thinking about how I’m willing and able to do whatever…just for you.
Never will you find another woman who will cater to you like I do, it’s so true.
I make it my business. Don’t believe me? Ask any person who took time to witness.
My back bends into the deepest arch to go uphill as my tired feet march.
Just to please you, my man, I submit to give you the upper hand,
As long as your chest isn’t boasting with pride as you stride and humbly before God you stand.
The talking from the sideline I look pass and pay them no mind, he’s mine.
I’m his, his whiz, his Mrs. And his mistress.
I love how he steps up if bitches care to diss this.
I make it my career to be as thorough as I can be.
Go ahead and get a microscope because those broads can’t see me.
Don’t be ashamed. You have a confident dame and I don’t have to say shit.
Just watch me as I walk away and be amazed at how I twist.
I’m baking bread daily. My cash flow is consistent.
What I can bring to the table equals a guaranteed commitment.
And I don’t have time to fight or argue.
I’d rather cook my man a meal, feed him and let him get the back view.
The immature lames, I’m sick and tired of, I’m through.
Yes, I’m willing to be your woman. I’m definitely willing and able.
Let’s just play a game of spades and lay all our cards on the table.
I want to make all your fantasies come true like they do in the fables.
I got that good-good. Some men wish they could-could but that’s something I would-would
Never do, I must be completely honest with you and I’m honored to…
Give you my all, I do, because I believe in the love we share which runs deeper than the earth’s seas.
It is quite amazing how we stepped into each other lives and for that I drop to my knees.
Love is not a breeze. Your presence lifts me up and without you I’m not at ease.
So, when reality steps in and I can’t have you in my pocket.
I ask myself “can I live”, think of you and my pain is off like a rocket.
As the days go long and on it’s so hard to knock it and I can’t stop it.
Simply thinking about how I’m willing and able to do whatever…just for you.
Remember Us
It's the face you first recognize through your own eyes.
It's the voice you first gravitate to because it tells no lies.
It's the touch you first allow due to it's warmth and love.
It's the first blessing you encounter from heaven above.
Now, your face is the only face I see when my eyes are closed.
Nothing here amounts to your everlasting beauty, Mom, not even a rose.
Somehow I manage to get through each day yet I don't know how I do it.
Some days the Lord carries me, other days His angels guide me through it.
It's as if the world has stopped turnin' and my heart has started burnin'.
It's like losing everything I knew and I have to start fresh with learnin'.
My poor soul aches day in and day out to the point I can't smile.
My eyes are restless, my face reads pain and cracking a smile takes a while.
Yet every now and then the sun rays embrace my sad face.
Suddenly a whisper enters my ear and I'm blessed by His grace,
Grief has no trace.
My strength gets broken by the weight on my back.
My mind is constantly battling the thoughts that attack.
But I'm reminded to stay prayed up in this cold and lonely world.
After all the praying I've done, I'm truly thankful the Lord gave me my girl.
No, she will NEVER take the place of the woman who blessed me and gave me life.
But her presence is a must because she adores me and her care takes away the strife.
So I'm going to wrap up this poem and not your memory.
Because when I look into the mirror, it's only you I see.
I'll always remember us.
Created by God, blessed by Sandra and
"God's purpose adores me".
It's the voice you first gravitate to because it tells no lies.
It's the touch you first allow due to it's warmth and love.
It's the first blessing you encounter from heaven above.
Now, your face is the only face I see when my eyes are closed.
Nothing here amounts to your everlasting beauty, Mom, not even a rose.
Somehow I manage to get through each day yet I don't know how I do it.
Some days the Lord carries me, other days His angels guide me through it.
It's as if the world has stopped turnin' and my heart has started burnin'.
It's like losing everything I knew and I have to start fresh with learnin'.
My poor soul aches day in and day out to the point I can't smile.
My eyes are restless, my face reads pain and cracking a smile takes a while.
Yet every now and then the sun rays embrace my sad face.
Suddenly a whisper enters my ear and I'm blessed by His grace,
Grief has no trace.
My strength gets broken by the weight on my back.
My mind is constantly battling the thoughts that attack.
But I'm reminded to stay prayed up in this cold and lonely world.
After all the praying I've done, I'm truly thankful the Lord gave me my girl.
No, she will NEVER take the place of the woman who blessed me and gave me life.
But her presence is a must because she adores me and her care takes away the strife.
So I'm going to wrap up this poem and not your memory.
Because when I look into the mirror, it's only you I see.
I'll always remember us.
Created by God, blessed by Sandra and
"God's purpose adores me".
Lost
I'm walking in a world of my own and the road ahead appears so bleak.
I carry a bag of emotions that are all mixed up and I can no longer speak.
I'm tongue tied, all cried out and unaware of what's ahead for me.
My thoughts may scare you if I could verbalize them involving me and six feet.
This world seems so cold at times lacking unconditional warmth and love I crave.
Yet I take one step day by day and tell myself to breathe easy and be brave.
Sometimes it takes a person or two for God to send in your life to make the skies blue.
Yet they can't always be there to wipe away your tears and hold your hand when you need them to.
I don't know who I am or where I'm going so I guess you can say I'm stuck.
The days become to painful and filled with gloom I tend to not give a fuck.
I don't know if the season is the reason or the devil is simply teasin' but I'm also grievin'.
I lost who I was a long time ago.
I carry a bag of emotions that are all mixed up and I can no longer speak.
I'm tongue tied, all cried out and unaware of what's ahead for me.
My thoughts may scare you if I could verbalize them involving me and six feet.
This world seems so cold at times lacking unconditional warmth and love I crave.
Yet I take one step day by day and tell myself to breathe easy and be brave.
Sometimes it takes a person or two for God to send in your life to make the skies blue.
Yet they can't always be there to wipe away your tears and hold your hand when you need them to.
I don't know who I am or where I'm going so I guess you can say I'm stuck.
The days become to painful and filled with gloom I tend to not give a fuck.
I don't know if the season is the reason or the devil is simply teasin' but I'm also grievin'.
I lost who I was a long time ago.
Who Am I and Where Am I Going?
I'm crossing lines, switching lanes, speeding and trying to go faster.
Constantly running a race yet I still lose, I got the blues.
I'm compressed in a bubble that I seem to can't get out of
and the only things that leaks are tears.
I look out my window and all I see is a road that leads to no where.
Then I sit and wonder what's out there?
At times I throw on Jay-Z rhyms yet it gets to the point where
I stop american dreamin' and start asking can I live.
The smile I put on really is not a smile.
It's simply something I draw as I let time pass a while.
I wonder when a permanent one will be painted.
I guess the Lord is teaching me something like patience
and in my mind I say I've waited.
Him, you, family, life, work, love, me, letting go and growing
are all thoughts my brain has contemplated.
Try to close your eyes and picture the universe as it goes on
and on with no end.
Then imagine how small you are in this universe and how scary
that is, along with not having by your side your best friend.
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, crying out yet
no sound is pitched or heard.
So sick of fluctuating and my life that I'd do anything to
escape this routine.
And I'm wrapped up in you because you take me away to a place
I once saw in a movie, leaving me sure of who I am and where I want to be.
I'm crossing lines, switching lanes, speeding and wanting to go faster
and you're the only one who calms me.
Constantly running a race yet I still lose, I got the blues.
I'm compressed in a bubble that I seem to can't get out of
and the only things that leaks are tears.
I look out my window and all I see is a road that leads to no where.
Then I sit and wonder what's out there?
At times I throw on Jay-Z rhyms yet it gets to the point where
I stop american dreamin' and start asking can I live.
The smile I put on really is not a smile.
It's simply something I draw as I let time pass a while.
I wonder when a permanent one will be painted.
I guess the Lord is teaching me something like patience
and in my mind I say I've waited.
Him, you, family, life, work, love, me, letting go and growing
are all thoughts my brain has contemplated.
Try to close your eyes and picture the universe as it goes on
and on with no end.
Then imagine how small you are in this universe and how scary
that is, along with not having by your side your best friend.
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, crying out yet
no sound is pitched or heard.
So sick of fluctuating and my life that I'd do anything to
escape this routine.
And I'm wrapped up in you because you take me away to a place
I once saw in a movie, leaving me sure of who I am and where I want to be.
I'm crossing lines, switching lanes, speeding and wanting to go faster
and you're the only one who calms me.
Mema (Arlene)
I can't find the words to say.
The skies above are cloudy, black and gray.
Everyone surrounds you scared of your homecoming.
It's like waiting for a parade and softly hearing drumming.
It won't hit me until I hear the scream of my mother like she did with her father.
Her tears will fall, fall and fall and I'll have to hold her because I love her.
Your voice is so weak that it weakens me to shame.
I can't believe this is happening and I wonder why this came.
When someone dies another one is born, so they say.
Ironically we have two new additions to the Merriwethers
and it seems as if your slowly passing away.
I can't find the words to say.
The skies above are cloudy, black and gray.
Everyone surrounds you scared of your homecoming.
It's like waiting for a parade and softly hearing drumming.
It won't hit me until I hear the scream of my mother like she did with her father.
Her tears will fall, fall and fall and I'll have to hold her because I love her.
Your voice is so weak that it weakens me to shame.
I can't believe this is happening and I wonder why this came.
When someone dies another one is born, so they say.
Ironically we have two new additions to the Merriwethers
and it seems as if your slowly passing away.
I can't find the words to say.
Confusion (Just a Thought)
There is a little light in me yet it is dim.
It cannot shine bright because my spirit won't allow it.
The strength I use to hold now breaks me.
I wish I was the child I once knew.
Each day is made complete with an effort I hate.
Each interaction is just a part of the job and
I wait for the hour to end the night.
My direction needs instruction from a higher power.
It is to the point I feel lost and incomplete.
I am alive yet not living.
I wonder where is the good life, if there is one?
The joy that once surrounded me in Heights no longer covers me.
Each hour is like a battle field.
I couldn't tell you if I was winning or losing.
Each day the walls get closer and I am panicked.
Praying the Lord saves me from this lack of hope, confidence and happiness.
Today, I even wished I was with Arlene, painless and free.
Yet I stay tranced by the devil's song which he puts on repeat to stop me.
But that little light that is dim flickers and flutters like butterfly wings.
And with that I know i will smile again.
It cannot shine bright because my spirit won't allow it.
The strength I use to hold now breaks me.
I wish I was the child I once knew.
Each day is made complete with an effort I hate.
Each interaction is just a part of the job and
I wait for the hour to end the night.
My direction needs instruction from a higher power.
It is to the point I feel lost and incomplete.
I am alive yet not living.
I wonder where is the good life, if there is one?
The joy that once surrounded me in Heights no longer covers me.
Each hour is like a battle field.
I couldn't tell you if I was winning or losing.
Each day the walls get closer and I am panicked.
Praying the Lord saves me from this lack of hope, confidence and happiness.
Today, I even wished I was with Arlene, painless and free.
Yet I stay tranced by the devil's song which he puts on repeat to stop me.
But that little light that is dim flickers and flutters like butterfly wings.
And with that I know i will smile again.
It's Like This
For some reason I cannot find the correct words to explain what I am feeling in this moment.
However, I will try my hardest to give you a sense of what I am sensing …it’s like this.
It’s like the first sprout of spring, where there is a visual of hope and peace as birds’ sing, fresh it is.
It’s like waking up in the summer months and feeling joyous and alive all at once, warm it is.
It’s like seeing the spectrum of a rainbow across the sky from afar or taking time to count each star, beautiful it is.
It’s like taking a big bite into a firm, ripe peach or green apple or pineapple, good Lord, sweet it is.
It’s like seeing the first leaf fall in autumn or the first flake fall in winter, a surprise it is.
It’s like the birth of a new child or having a best friend, better yet, it’s like being able to breathe, a blessing it is.
It’s like when a caterpillar transforms into a fluttering, bright butterfly, amazing it is.
It’s like craving for comfort after everyone has pushed you away and finally feeling the warmth of another, a connection it is.
It’s like the epitome of romance, the picture of adoration, and the greatest feeling ever known, is it love?
It’s like licking your favorite ice cream flavor or tasting your favorite meal, good it is.
It’s more like whip cream on top good, sprinkles on top good, and definitely a cherry on top, great it is.
It’s the best thing that ever happened to you, your first memory and greatest accomplishment, exciting it is.
It’s being motivated and determined even when you know failure is an option, faithful it is.
It’s the rising of the moon and the setting of the sun, a sight to see it is.
It’s like driving through Malibu in the early morning and placing your feet upon sand on a beach, calming it is.
It’s like the reason you open your eyes and thanking God for being able to, a purpose it is.
It’s like being with someone you have dreamt of always and actually finding them, reality it is.
It’s like being able to laugh as loud as you can in public or at work or while in church and having no one tell you to be quiet, happiness it is.
It’s like this, it’s like that, it is what it is, us it is.
However, I will try my hardest to give you a sense of what I am sensing …it’s like this.
It’s like the first sprout of spring, where there is a visual of hope and peace as birds’ sing, fresh it is.
It’s like waking up in the summer months and feeling joyous and alive all at once, warm it is.
It’s like seeing the spectrum of a rainbow across the sky from afar or taking time to count each star, beautiful it is.
It’s like taking a big bite into a firm, ripe peach or green apple or pineapple, good Lord, sweet it is.
It’s like seeing the first leaf fall in autumn or the first flake fall in winter, a surprise it is.
It’s like the birth of a new child or having a best friend, better yet, it’s like being able to breathe, a blessing it is.
It’s like when a caterpillar transforms into a fluttering, bright butterfly, amazing it is.
It’s like craving for comfort after everyone has pushed you away and finally feeling the warmth of another, a connection it is.
It’s like the epitome of romance, the picture of adoration, and the greatest feeling ever known, is it love?
It’s like licking your favorite ice cream flavor or tasting your favorite meal, good it is.
It’s more like whip cream on top good, sprinkles on top good, and definitely a cherry on top, great it is.
It’s the best thing that ever happened to you, your first memory and greatest accomplishment, exciting it is.
It’s being motivated and determined even when you know failure is an option, faithful it is.
It’s the rising of the moon and the setting of the sun, a sight to see it is.
It’s like driving through Malibu in the early morning and placing your feet upon sand on a beach, calming it is.
It’s like the reason you open your eyes and thanking God for being able to, a purpose it is.
It’s like being with someone you have dreamt of always and actually finding them, reality it is.
It’s like being able to laugh as loud as you can in public or at work or while in church and having no one tell you to be quiet, happiness it is.
It’s like this, it’s like that, it is what it is, us it is.
Untitled
I stepped out, fell down to one knee and bowed
Threw up my hands, like he holier than thou
Jumped on in with one hundred percent, plus
Trusting him, trusting me, trust is a must
I let the thorns around my bush soften
In my frontal lobe he lingered often
Reality had not sat in, yet, now I can imagine
What it takes to keep a dream alive, it’s more than passion
Sacrifice, compromise, communication and taking risks
And most of all taking our insecurities by fists
Picture being the one for another
Ponder being their only lover, no other
This can be psychologically draining
But the curve in my back props me up to maintain it
I am trippin when I’m not sippin love in my cup
There are some who can feel it and there are some that try to make it happen
In the end, the one who loves the most happens to not be the one laughing
Threw up my hands, like he holier than thou
Jumped on in with one hundred percent, plus
Trusting him, trusting me, trust is a must
I let the thorns around my bush soften
In my frontal lobe he lingered often
Reality had not sat in, yet, now I can imagine
What it takes to keep a dream alive, it’s more than passion
Sacrifice, compromise, communication and taking risks
And most of all taking our insecurities by fists
Picture being the one for another
Ponder being their only lover, no other
This can be psychologically draining
But the curve in my back props me up to maintain it
I am trippin when I’m not sippin love in my cup
There are some who can feel it and there are some that try to make it happen
In the end, the one who loves the most happens to not be the one laughing
Emotional
This time, distractions, self centeredness and greed will not dismantle what the Lord brought together.
Compromising and prayer have been a priority that will make this last long.
Strong, elated, hopeful, anxious, committed and wanting more, he keeps me.
The way I feel cannot even be explained through song.
Dead wrong I was for believing that my past was all I needed.
I did not know what the Lord had in store for me.
This is what I have always wanted and I wish I could taste how good it feels.
If I could, I would fall weak to the lovely aroma of seasonings, such as in an Italian recipe.
I feel delicious because of him and I desire no one else.
The unimagineable is now tangible and I cannot let it go.
A red light is needed in order for me to turn off my passion, dedication, devotion and emotion.
I am simply sinking in an ocean.
If you think you can save me you are wrong because the pressure that surrounds me keeps me in his world.
My lips cannot part nor can my brain fathom the words to express. This! Us!
His shoulder is my pillow, his hand is my guide, his eyes are my window and his love makes me fly.
Compromising and prayer have been a priority that will make this last long.
Strong, elated, hopeful, anxious, committed and wanting more, he keeps me.
The way I feel cannot even be explained through song.
Dead wrong I was for believing that my past was all I needed.
I did not know what the Lord had in store for me.
This is what I have always wanted and I wish I could taste how good it feels.
If I could, I would fall weak to the lovely aroma of seasonings, such as in an Italian recipe.
I feel delicious because of him and I desire no one else.
The unimagineable is now tangible and I cannot let it go.
A red light is needed in order for me to turn off my passion, dedication, devotion and emotion.
I am simply sinking in an ocean.
If you think you can save me you are wrong because the pressure that surrounds me keeps me in his world.
My lips cannot part nor can my brain fathom the words to express. This! Us!
His shoulder is my pillow, his hand is my guide, his eyes are my window and his love makes me fly.
Food for Thought
Everything I am not makes me everything I am and right now I don't like it.
An image plays in my mind that I see as perfect yet I am so far from it.
If I could, I would touch it and love it but reality is where I stand.
My heart desires to follow the plan that will lead me to my fantasy.
However I have no control over it at least that is how I feel.
So until then I will admire the flocks of beauty that walk this earth.
I look in the mirror and critique myself, judging, wanting to be different.
It seems the harder I try the worst it gets and I turn to methods, quick fix.
Society puts you in a box yet I am wanting to escape free.
Actually society has had an affect on me because thin is how I want to be.
The lighter I get, the better I will feel and I will dance with my reflection.
Until then I will sit with my thoughts, mindfully eating and hoping one day I see who I want to be.
An image plays in my mind that I see as perfect yet I am so far from it.
If I could, I would touch it and love it but reality is where I stand.
My heart desires to follow the plan that will lead me to my fantasy.
However I have no control over it at least that is how I feel.
So until then I will admire the flocks of beauty that walk this earth.
I look in the mirror and critique myself, judging, wanting to be different.
It seems the harder I try the worst it gets and I turn to methods, quick fix.
Society puts you in a box yet I am wanting to escape free.
Actually society has had an affect on me because thin is how I want to be.
The lighter I get, the better I will feel and I will dance with my reflection.
Until then I will sit with my thoughts, mindfully eating and hoping one day I see who I want to be.
April 2010
Our love has blossomed, just as beautiful like the Cherry.
It is a mating dance of two love birds.
Your words are music to my ears, a song or sweet melody.
I constantly press repeat.
Content that I can trust you to carry my sorrow and reshape
it with your hands, turning it into glee.
I know all too well heart break, betrayal and sadness.
Hence, with you, there is no recollection or recall.
Grace and mercy has molded us into new beings
that pursue our desires with a differet perspective in mind.
It is a mating dance of two love birds.
Your words are music to my ears, a song or sweet melody.
I constantly press repeat.
Content that I can trust you to carry my sorrow and reshape
it with your hands, turning it into glee.
I know all too well heart break, betrayal and sadness.
Hence, with you, there is no recollection or recall.
Grace and mercy has molded us into new beings
that pursue our desires with a differet perspective in mind.
Nowadays
Nowadays I don't know if I'm coming or going
My own flesh and blood has mingled with water
Behind my eyes I miss my God son and daughter
Reflections of my womb and wishes to carry
Then, I withhold my innermost desires to marry
I'm a deep thinker and I seek to find
Little do these pests know what's mine is mine
Bitch may be defined with my picture stamped on it
Sunday I'm settled yet by Thursday I flaunt it
Nowadays I don't know if I'm coming or going
My work gets done but I can't observe if I'm growing
It's like my feet are lifted off the ground yet not quite cloud nine
I have to play back, rewind and ponder if I'm fine
Inattentive at the night hour and understanding my power
But I cast back light and look past these cowards
All I want to do is own a few acres and a horse with not too big a hut
Lay back wifed up with a seed or two and not giving a what
Til then, I stay high off that green, tea that is.
Keeping calm, collect, and embracing the moment so I can handle my biz
Nowadays I don't know if I'm coming or going
* Daddy told me to Emrace the Journey
My own flesh and blood has mingled with water
Behind my eyes I miss my God son and daughter
Reflections of my womb and wishes to carry
Then, I withhold my innermost desires to marry
I'm a deep thinker and I seek to find
Little do these pests know what's mine is mine
Bitch may be defined with my picture stamped on it
Sunday I'm settled yet by Thursday I flaunt it
Nowadays I don't know if I'm coming or going
My work gets done but I can't observe if I'm growing
It's like my feet are lifted off the ground yet not quite cloud nine
I have to play back, rewind and ponder if I'm fine
Inattentive at the night hour and understanding my power
But I cast back light and look past these cowards
All I want to do is own a few acres and a horse with not too big a hut
Lay back wifed up with a seed or two and not giving a what
Til then, I stay high off that green, tea that is.
Keeping calm, collect, and embracing the moment so I can handle my biz
Nowadays I don't know if I'm coming or going
* Daddy told me to Emrace the Journey
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